My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
is it fun? or sober?
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