I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
