I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
