what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
