she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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