There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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