Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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