this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
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