So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
