I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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