Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
