And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We are two peas in an std pod
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
