I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
