He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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