youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
