maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
