She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
