You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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