I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize