I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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