I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
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It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
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Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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