You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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