The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
