I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
