I'm gonna have a badass scar
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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