do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Randomize
