The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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