Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
