Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
