my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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