just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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