Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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