Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
