I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
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This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
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I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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