xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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