meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just had sex bonerless
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Randomize
