Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
