who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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