My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
