this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
