i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
