when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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