Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dating After Heartbreak
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life