haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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