I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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