i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
