If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.