I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
