My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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