did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
