I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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