dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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