She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
