so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
