If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
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