I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
