I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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