Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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