I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
