If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
