My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
