hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
