If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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