Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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