I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
