I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You left your underwear on the fireplace
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
