I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
