I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
