this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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