Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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