Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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