I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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