Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
