No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
