I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
