my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
