is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
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my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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