Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
