she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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