I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
