wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
